Have also published this post on Team-BHP here.
----------------
"And this guy wants to write car ownership reports. Blistering Barnacles!! I mean how on earth do you not even know how many horses your car packs in?" He was furious about the confusion I have with my car's power rating.
We were travelling to our Hometown. The distance was not much, just about 325 km. So, about 7 hours of journey including all the breaks.
"Hey Leo, look, look, that one appears to be a test mule. Which one is that?" Doc asked Leo who was busy reading texts in my Nokia 3310 phone. "What? Where is it? Where is it?" Excited Leo lifted his Kodak KB10 in a hurry. "See that one standing on the side of the road, be ready to click." Doctor pointed to left. "Where the heck is it? I can't see it!" Leo was still clueless after scanning the entire visible area. "That white one. Can't you see?" Doctor replied with a wicked smile on his face. That's when I realized something was fishy. "Oh Leo, its just the other meaning of the 'mule', chillax." I said trying to avert upcoming war. A small little innocent donkeyish creature was smiling at him all the way. "You bunko! I will have my revenge. Knuckling Barnacles!!" Leo sure was angry.
We were just half an hour into the road and I already knew this one was going to be one heck of a journey! Gundya (Doctor), Bandya (Leo), Bokya (Mamba) and I are childhood friends. We are friends from the day we started to cognize this world. We all know almost everything about each other. It always feels nice when you are in such a company.
Gundya, for the starters is an intelligent of the sapiens lot. We call him Doc or Doctor. By the way, he is an engineer by profession. He is calculative. He mostly thinks for himself. Always speaks in reserved manner. The only time he opens up is when he is with us. When it comes to cars, he belongs to the Stone Age. "If you want to buy a car, go to a Maruti showroom and pick the one which suits your budget." It’s that simple for him. He loves to write random stuff. And people seem to like what he writes for unknown reasons.
One hour after we started, we were past the city traffic and were cruising at 80 kmph somewhere on the Mumbai-Bangalore highway.
Our ride was my first car, White Maruti 800! "I love this little engine. It never lets you down." Leo had 'please let me drive her' written all over his face. Sure, I was NOT going to let anyone touch her steering wheel. My 800 was simple, old, second hand Maruti (Yeah, second hand car. I never knew words like "Used", "Pre-Loved", "Pre-Worshipped" being used for a car). But that hardly mattered. It was as reliable as a hundred rupee note. Just having a car was such a big thing.
My beloved Maruti 800. Photo clicked using Kodak KB10 Film Camera
Now, Bandya is a totally different character. He is the only one closer to "artist category" in our group. We call him Leo (Short for Leonardo da Vinci). He is simple, talks much and is careless. He is blunt talking and straight shooting. Doesn't care much about most of the stuff which goes around. Happy go lucky types you know! He also has a taste for music and so for good food. He even plays a few instruments (although a newbie) and cooks some good dishes. We all know, there is a hidden full blown artist inside him. But, we prefer to call him a "pseudo-artist"! He loves cars. He knows a lot about cars (at least in our group). We sometimes call him "Armchair Mechanic"! Everyone comes to him for "which car should I buy" queries.
"This thing doesn't even have an AC and no power steering. Thank god the previous owner fitted a tape. We can at least play cassettes." Mamba said while trying to change the cassette.
And this is Bokya, we call him Mamba. Short for Black Mamba. The aggressive, venomous snake with black mouth! He is someone who just can't help but criticize anything and everything he sees. Don't get me wrong, he is a good person, but it’s just his nature. He also has a peculiar habit of opening absolutely irrelevant topics. "This damn fish in the pond..! The tape is stuck. Oh, God help me."
Mamba is also a true (and forced) follower of Murphy's Law. Something always keeps going wrong with him. He is a person who is always present at a wrong place and at a wrong time. "Hold on. Use your brain some times. This screw driver here is there for a reason." Doc, the intellect, used screw driver to somehow get the stuck tape out and put it well back inside the cassette. Believe me, those damn cassettes gave a hard time to lot of us.
It was not a time for snack. But we were super hungry. We stopped by the roadside Misal specialist to quench the fire. When we were done with 'Misal', a lot of 'Rassa' and about eight extra breads each, it was time for some nice hot tea. Mamba being Mamba, had to mess something up, and so in a moment, some of the boiling hot tea was on the table, some on the bench and some on Doctor's pant. "Is there anything you can do properly??" Doctor's eyes were as big as a potato and his head was as hot as the tea on his pants. "Oh yeah, I help friends buy new pants to replace their ten year old cheap ones." Mamba went for the kill. "Shut the onion up, you two!" I screamed. Thanks to my big and light eyes, people still shut when I shout. A hand written, illegible bill was there on the table. Someone had to pay. Well, this is always an interesting moment and a very common too. Everyone was saying "Wait no, I will pay, I will pay!" But it was Leo, who never said a word, paid the cash and said "let's go!" Leo, being an artist, was most unstable of us all (Financially speaking). (And yeah, that's how the world works!). But, he is always the first one to get the cash out of his pocket. He is a car lover who can't afford one!
We were back cruising in my old 800.
All of a sudden things started changing. Transforming! Yeah, that's the correct word.
The seats transformed into super big ones. It felt like shifting from one BHK to a three BHK flat. The engine note changed. The potholes felt like drawings on the road. No bumps whatsoever. Cabin started feeling a bit cold. And to my surprise, I found myself in the comfortable back seat. The music quality felt better and guess what, the songs were being played from a USB stick!
"Hey, what did that guy put in Misal? What's happening? Are we drugged??" Leo was freaking out. "Well, the plastic quality went from bad to worse. And what are all these rattles? Are we sitting inside a rattle snake? And why do I smell petrol inside the car?" Mamba was relentless with his criticism. Not realizing he was on the driver's seat. "What do you expect? This is your car after all, Mamba." Doc pulled the papers from the huge gloves box and showed Mamba's name on it with wide grin on his face. "The steering feels lighter and direct." Mamba shifted his tone 180 degrees! "It’s also bigger" he added. "Yeah, like a dish antenna!" This time Bandya aka Leo pulled his leg. "People call your Indica Vista 'The white elephant'" He continued.
Mamba's White Elephant
"How could you even buy this car? That too, cab-like White Indica Vista? That too a petrol Tata? That too a basic Terra version? I mean, is this for real??" Never saw Leo being so furious about his argument. "Well, it is the most comfortable hatchback in the country. Plus it is made in India, by Indians. As solid as a rock. Plus it has an Italian engine. Terra version is good value for money" Mamba was making positive vibes out of thin air! "Come on. Are you kidding me? They should only build trucks. Oh, this AC, I have never seen such a weak AC, ever. My ceiling fan would chill this car faster. And yes, you will come to know about real 'Value for Money' when you try to sell it. And that pathetic 2nd gear. Feels like this engine just had a lot of Diarrhea." Well, we knew the real reason why Leo was so pissed off. Bokya (Mamba) did not consult him before buying the car!!
"This manual Window! Open it with one hand and I give you 500 bucks cash. God they are too hard and tight. By the way, what did you get from buying an Indian car? Felt patriotic… eh? And what about the quality? It’s as potty as the software you write. And what's with the Italian engine? 0-100 in 22 seconds?? I think I can run faster than that!! And what mileage do you get? Please put a poster on your dash similar to B.E.S.T. buses…'Our Target 3.5 km per litre!!' " How could Doc let go off this opportunity to hit jibes at Mamba?? But, this time he touched Mamba's profession! Mamba was being bitten by two Cobras. "What do you know of software mate?" Surprisingly, it felt as if Mamba was just about to lay his weapons!
Suddenly, there was uncomfortable silence. An amazing song sung by The Great Bhimsen Joshi started at the same time. His divine voice seemed to have calmed things down. "Well, agreed. I am one of those many people in software industry who are just there. For absolutely no reason. We get salaries for warming the benches!!" Mamba was opening up. "And this car, yeah, it gave me a lot of troubles. Look at this plastic. Did they recycle garbage bags to make these? And who puts all the dials in the center? And this damn digital clock. They cannot even give you a clock which shows correct time. Fantastic!" The Mamba was back, throwing venom like a spitting Cobra. That too on his own car! "But all said and done, I still love my Vista. She was a part of a lot of journeys, a lot of memories." Mamba's tone changed with emotional touch never seen before.
Mamba's Tata Indica Vista Terra Safire 1.2!!
"I respect Tatas for whatever they have done so far. Tata Motors is still young in passenger car market. What they have achieved is fantastic. And being an Indian, I feel proud!" Leo was praising Tata!! Bandya (Leo, The Pseudo-Artist) was making peace with Bokya (Mamba, The Venomous Critique)! "Are you going to kiss each other or what?? There is a lot of room in the back seat of Vista!!" Doc had the last laugh while both Mamba and Leo were ready to kill him! And for the record, this was not the first time I was going through this whole conversation. Anyways, almost all topics are repeated multiple times when you are with childhood friends. But the best thing is you never get bored!
"Hey what do you think about friends? I mean whom would you call your true friend?" This was not the first time Mamba asked absolutely random question, irrelevant to current situation. "I think those, whom you can share your salary details with. Those, who don't expect a thing from you. And those, who do not steal your girlfriend!" Not sure why, but Doc answered. He uses his calculative mind even while making friends!! "I think those who share their deep secrets and those, whom you can depend on for any help" Mamba answered his own question
"Guys, will you ever come out of Bollywood? I tell you the universal definition of a true friend." Leo was spot on with his Bollywood comment.
"True friends are those, in front of whom, you can FART with absolute ease, with absolutely no sense of guilt or embarrassment!! Juuussst like you guys!!" The damned artist dropped a nuclear bomb made of burnt tires in front of us. Doc suffered the most casualties.
"Ohhh, Ohhh God, Help Me!! Help Me!! Forget friends, I wouldn't do this to my hard core enemies. Ohh Gwaad, And this freaking damned Window Awww.. Awww!!" Doc was desperately trying to open Vista's hard, manual window, while Leo was laughing with no remorse whatsoever. "I told you, I will have my revenge! I feel so relieved." Leo said while circulating his hand on the belly. "If you ever face a question on anyone's loyalty, just remember me and try this method. It always works." Bandya was laughing out loud.
By this time it was already dark outside. We drove of off the highway and were on the small rural road. We stopped for a quick Tea and Pee break and were back in the car. Mamba put the key in and and…The car wouldn't start!! Mamba's car, something had to go wrong. "Great, that’s called 'icing on the cake!'". I was irritated. We had to get local help to push start the heavy white elephant. The car went back into motion and it went all dark outside.
And then, the transformation began, again!!!
Weird metallic sounds started coming and the cabin started to shrink. The sheet metal went from tank armor to thin potato wafers. The car went super cold inside. It felt like minus ten in a cold storage. The interior quality went three notches up! The plastics felt great, fit and finish became fantastic and the gaps filled themselves to become uniform everywhere. The rattles were all but gone. The steering size now felt perfect. "The engine noise has increased tenfold and I don't have space to keep my feet and oh, my knees hurt" Mamba was back to his true nature. "The gear lever is vibrating like a Nokia phone. By the way, have your turned on the headlights? Are you able to see anything ahead? Just compare that to my Vista, Yo!" He added.
The Doc was holding the steering with a just one finger and had no problems taking big turns that way. This time it was Doc's car…!
Our speed reduced to yawning 50 kmph. Doc is a sedate driver. "We know, you are trying to show us off that light steering wheel, Doc. But just wait till the ghat section, have fun then. And seriously, 50 kmph on an empty road?? You are driving too fast, Doc. Please slow down!" Leo said with a sarcastic tone. All this while we thought Leo was deep into killing the opponents on his cell phone game. The ride became so bumpy that we could feel each and every pothole. Vista's suspension felt like a glider compared to this. "Look, this display shows me when to upshift." Doc was trying to impress us. "And what about the downshifts...eh?" Leo knew well enough about this car. "Doc, how could you buy Hyundai Eon when all you know about cars is Maruti??" This question was going to come, Mamba was quick to ask. "Well, not all things go as planned. There are too many Altos on the road. So I went for Eon. I liked their quality. Plus Bandya also suggested me to go with the Eon" Doc justified his purchase. "But I suggested you to get a higher version. Not this Dlite+." Bandya aka Leo was quick to respond.
Doc's Hyundai Eon Dlite+
"All I need in a car is chiller AC, light power steering and fantastic mileage. All other things just add to costs." This was the calculative engineer speaking.
Eon's Milestone Pic!
"Forget airbags or other safety features. But omission of left side ORVM? I mean really? And a few other essentials like intermittent wiper and a damn music system. How can they even make such cars?" Leo was immersed into the conversation. "Well, you get what you pay for!" Doc didn't seem to have any problems with these missing features.
"This son of a bat. Why is this guy using high beam? When are we Indians going to learn? I just hate driving at night. And look at this mustard, driving on the wrong side of the road with high beams. Let me teach him a lesson!" Doc went straight very close to the oncoming vehicle and turned at a last moment just missing the dash. All this, still at 50 kmph! The guy in the other vehicle was least bothered, as he was driving a rusty old Tractor!! Doc is a unique sedate driver with hell of a road rage. And as this happened, someone from behind honked and honked even more. "No one honks at me. I will not give him side." Doc was chewing his teeth. Road rage made him look so scary. The Swift guy from behind honked continuously for a minute and at first opportunity, overtook Doc's Eon. Doc made finger gestures at the same time. Finally, when the Swift came at front, a big saffron sticker read 'Ex. Wrestling Champion'. I was terrified and petrified! Doc was shivering!! Thanks to The Almighty (and Doc's poor Eon), that Ex Wrestling Champion did not find us worthy of a wrestling match. "I could understand such a road rage if you drive Fortuner, Scorpio or an XUV. But road rage with Hyundai Eon? That too, with zero wrestling titles under your belt?? That's too much." Mamba could speak for he knew that the wrestler was already gone!
"Guys, why do I feel so uncomfortable? Is it because of Eon's back seat?? Let's take a break and have some tea again." I asked others.
And thus we found ourselves sipping nice, hot, Vanilla flavored tea from a local tea stall. Suddenly, all three started to laugh at me. "What?? What happened??" I asked. "How do you feel now? You were not comfortable in the car?" Doc had that weird smile on his face again. "I still feel uncomfortable. What's happening? Bad Misal, I guess?" I was irritated. "Well, it not just one bad Misal. It’s a lot more of them. Plus a ton of Burgers and Pizzas!" I hate that weird smile. "What? What do you mean??" These guys were irritating me more. "Look at your belly, Dodo! It's not just the cars which Transformed!" Doc pointed at my belly. "Oh that belly tire went from skinny 155/70 R13 to meaty 185/60 R15!!!" Leo's comparisons are a topic for some other day. "You lost some hair and I can see some silver there too!" Loosening the belt gave my thoughts some boost. Although, I was shocked to see the changed me!
Honestly, our transformations were not that great. The bellies were protruding, the cheeks were hanging and the chin disappeared into the neck. The kids at the tea stall called us "Uncle" and not "Brother". All of a sudden, all time enthusiastic boys inside us were looking pale and dull. But then a few questions popped in my mind. It sent down chill to my bones, for I knew the answers! 'Did we learn anything at all from the life as you know it? Do we have any plan for the future? Forget the plans, do we really have any future? Once a commoner always a commoner? The daily boring routine, is that what we live for?' and many more!
"Thank god, none of us have specs!" Mamba was trying to find some positives while I was deep lost in my discouraging thoughts. "Hey, hey, hey, look at my pocket! Big Cash!! I love these transformations! I will sponsor the tea, you babies!!" Bandya was hardly concerned with the mid-life crisis and fat bottoms.
And so, about two third of the distance was covered and we were cruising in Doc's noisy Eon.
An old man asked for a lift along the way, but we decided against to stop at unknown place at that hour of night. In a few minutes, it all went pitch dark and not a soul was present on the remote road. "Oncoming car, after such a long time." Doc whispered.
I also saw a cyclist, actually shadow of a cyclist ahead of us. The shadow was clear due to oncoming car's head lights. He was cycling peacefully probably about thirty meters away, on the left side of the road.
"Hey did you notice a cyclist on the left side a moment ago?" Mamba jumped into his seat. "Yeah, I did, I saw the shadow!" Leo joined in.
"Did you actually see the cyclist when we reached that spot? Not just the shadow?" Mamba had goose bumps! "What the Freaking Barnacles?? No. I didn't see him either. Actually I was looking for him, but he never showed up." Leo had his heart in the mouth. "There are no ghosts. Okay? By the time we covered some thirty meters, the cycle guy might have turned left, off the road." The look on that scientific face was giving away fear and not science. He sure was crapping in his pants. "So even you saw him Doc!! Well, I agree, there are no ghosts. But then, what the bullocks that man was doing in pitch dark? How was he able to see the road? Without any lights? And where did he turn? His house? His farm? I have traveled this road hundreds of time during the daytime. There is nothing other than dense jungle here. Even a dog would think twice before venturing into this dark." Leo was desperately searching for a bottle of water. "Guys, relax! We witnessed all those weird transformations today. This shadow of a man on bicycle is nothing. And by the way, how do you that it was 'he' and not 'she'??" I tried to calm things down. "Hit the pedal and run for life!" Bandya didn't care. He was sweating in that Hyundai cold house. "That's surely something we can do! There is no one on the road any which ways!" Doc, the sedate driver, had already started stressing the three pot engine to its limit. "Yeah, except the ghost bicycle rider, who probably is chasing us down?" Nobody seemed to like my joke.
We stopped for another tea break at the first sight of human habitat.
"Where are you going at this time? Where did you come from?" With only us at his tea stall, an elderly person, in his seventies, tried to start a conversation. But no one was in mood to answer him. "People generally do not travel so late from that patch of the road, that too on Amavasya!" He pointed to the road we had just traveled. "What? Why? Is it a New Moon night tonight?" We all asked in unison. Suddenly everyone was interested talking to him. "People say it’s a bad patch of road. Famous for unusual things." He continued. "What kind of unusual things?" I asked while sipping that super sweet diabetic tea. "You know, people have seen jungle rabbits chasing their cars with crazy speeds. Some have seen hundreds of rats running in all directions on that road and then disappearing suddenly." I don't know if any of that was real or he was making things up. "But, but I don't believe in all these stories, that's why; here I am, selling tea, at this time of night with no problems whatsoever." Suddenly, I felt good. He sure was one brave old bat. "But, but few people have also seen an old man asking for a lift. If you stop your car, he doesn't do anything and just vanishes. If you don't, he chases you down." He seemed like a nice story teller. "Chases cars by running like those crazy rabbits?" Bandya asked impatiently with a touch of sarcasm. "No!! He chases them down on a bicycle! Old, completely rusted, chain less bicycle!!" The one telling ghost stories is always the happiest person in the group, I think.
We were in no mood to stop. This time Doc paid for the tea in tenth of a millisecond and we started from there at once.
"Guys, did you notice the bicycle parked on left side of that tea stall? It surely felt different. All rusted, absolutely no paint on it. And yes, the chain was missing." Leo was shaking. "Hey, you said, you have traveled this road hundreds of time during day light. Have you ever seen this tea stall?" Mamba asked Leo with a weird expression on his face. "No. I don't remember. But I never noticed. So, probably it is always closed during day time." Leo's face turned white. "So ghost chased us, then prepared a nice hot Chai and then told us his own story? Is that what you are saying??" Gundya, the intellect, said while trembling and increasing the speed further.
We would have gone on and on with that crazy ghost story, but the car transformation started again!!
First the clutch paddle vanished. Gear lever changed to an Automatic one. Car's speed increased even further. The interior quality went from better to awesome. Outside noise went from hundred to zero. After few hours of drive in Eon, I felt as if I was wearing Bose's noise cancelling headphones in this new car. The seat height reduced and felt super comfortable. No more jumps on the bumps (Although it did not match Vista's suspension). The steering became meaty with a flat bottom. Many buttons appeared on the steering. The dashboard looked like one from a plane's cockpit. The space on front row increased a lot while the space at the back remained the same. But the biggest change, to everyone's surprise, was the person holding the steering wheel of this seemingly expensive car. It was Bandya! Leo! Yeah, the one with financial problems!
"What? How? I mean how?" Calculative Doc asked with awe.
"Play Old Hindi Songs" Bandya talked to that butch steering wheel after pressing some button. And voila, the car started playing Rafi's amazing songs! "Is that awesome or what?" Leo was too excited. "I am in love with this engine, guys. That sweet sound. It’s poetry in motion." Looked like Bandya didn't care about anything else at that point and joined Rafi with his fantastic 'Main Zindagi Ka Sath...' song. "Which car is this? And how much did you pay for it?" Doc still couldn't believe! "You know what; I will just stop the music and let's hear this sublime turbo petrol engine." Bandya wasn't even listening to us anymore. An empty and straight stretch of road came ahead. "Just see this!!" Bandya pressed the accelerator hard and in a moment we were pushed back and jolted to our seat. "This is 175 Nm of torque hitting your face. Babes! Oh, I love this." Leo was having super fun while we were scared to death. "And you know what? This is just a 'D' mode. The regular Drive mode. Let me put it into 'S' mode." He pressed a button on the gear lever and pulled it back to Sports mode. "This is pure aggression. No mercy!" By now he was completely lost. The engine became louder and I could feel the scary punch. "I have never traveled in such a fast car before." Mamba opened his mouth first time after the gho(a)stly shock. "You betcha!! Feel this 30 to 80 magic. It's simply brilliant." I think Leo was feasting on our fears as much as his car. "And by the way, did any of you notice even a single gearshift? This is not your regular Automatic transmission. This is Dual Clutch Auto Transmission. It is made using Amul Butter!" Please don't ask about Bandya's comparisons, please!
"This is my Red Hot German Babe. Volkswagen Polo GT TSI." Bandya said with tremendous pride on his face.
Leo's Red Hot German!
Yes, the car was awesome. But, I was more worried about the money this guy had put in.
Polo's Cockpit!
"Bandya how much did this car cost?" Like others, I was impatient on this front. "10.5" Bandya murmured. "Ten point freaking five??? Are you freaking insane?" I almost had an attack. "Yeah, I had 11L in my account." Leo answered with no expressions on his face. "So you just blew 10.5L out of 11L you had, that too on a car? Have you heard of something called 'SAVINGS'? Do you know there is a concept of bank loans? Do you happen to know the word 'investments'? Do you know about cheaper pre-owned cars?" Doc was shouting at him. "And is this thing going to run on water? Are you going to eat thin air? I mean are you..." I had no words. This was stupidity.
"Money comes and goes. Let me just enjoy the drive, man!" He didn't care. "10.5 on a hatchback, Hu hu.." Mamba murmured. "It's not just some other hatchback, man. Respect, it's the Polo GT." Bandya quoted VW ad!
This is one thing I always wonder about car owners. Where all that car-brand-pride does come from?
Respect, It's the Polo GT
"AT is a boon. No more stress on my left leg. No problem creeping in traffic and no more backward roll on the slopes, say thanks to hill assist. Total peace of mind." He continued. "I thought real car enthusiast never drives an AT." Mamba poked by a pin. "Do you know the best part with Automatics? You can pick your nose all throughout the journey! My left hand is free." Leo had no reservations about doing or speaking of things considered improper by most other humans.
"Aww, that’s disgusting." Doc had super expressions on his face. "Oh come on, everyone does it." Bandya didn't care
"Well hello, at least not in public!" Doc added. "Stop this topic, people. Bandya, tell me more about your GT." I stopped that uncomfortable conversation.
"This car is loaded with features. Super Engine, Fantastic AT, Beautiful design, Sturdy build quality, Good Safety Features like strong structure, two airbags, ABS with EBD, Electronic Stability Program, It has sporty rear black spoiler, Spotless paint job, Good looking alloys, Top notch and all black interiors, Meaty, flat bottom and fairly accurate steering, it has rake and reach adjustment too, Automatic wipers, cruise control, auto dimming IRVM, electronic ORVMs, One touch power windows, remote controlled windows, cornering lights, hill hold assist, auto creep function, Automatic climate control, Cooled glove box, height adjustable driver's seat, one touch lane change indicators, Touch screen infotainment system and above all the GT badge!" Bandya was not going to stop singing songs about his GT-beauty.
At a point he sounded like a waiter from Udupi hotel listing all the types of idilis and dosas from the menu.
"And the audio quality is just fantastic. Yeah, some may say it is okayish, but let me tell you, I am an audiophile! I have heard the Harman Kardon in Tata Zest. I think Polo's music quality still FEELS better. Thanks to end to end insulated cabin. Just listen to this." Leo maxed volume and started Rahman's new 'The Humma Song'. Heck, that was pure sin! Mind blowing!!
Bandya doesn't stop singing songs about his GT-Beauty
"Hope your pocket stays happy too!! Have you heard of VW after sales service stories?" Mamba started again. "That is the only thing I am not sure about. Keeping my fingers crossed." Leo found some sense after-all. "I tell you, this is the most selfish purchase I have ever seen. This car is only made for the driver's seat. What does your family says about this low seating position and lack of space at the rear? Yes, the design is good, engine-gearbox combo is good too but it is not a proper hot hatch! And I am sure you know that replacing this gearbox costs more than a Nano, just in case something goes wrong. Just Google DSG failure hu hu! I am okay with the safety features too, but you know Fords provide six airbags? By the way, the first and foremost safety feature in any car is fantastic brakes! While GT provides average brakes! What's the use of all that power if you can't control it? And do you think you are going to need ESP anytime? Is that sporty spoiler enough to distinguish this car from a 6L sibling?" We never knew Mamba knows so much about cars.
"I couldn't help but notice that ugly scratch on the bonnet paint near right wiper. You can't open wipers like other NORMAL cars? Can you? The car wash guy gifted you that scratch. German engineering, he he..! The flat bottom steering wheel is nice, but where are the paddle shifters? And they give you Auto wipers, what for? How many times are you going to use them? GT owners need to beg the rain god to test this feature!! Plus, I don't think it is that effective at night. It should wipe the windshield more often when the headlights are on. And talking of headlights, the throw is poor to say the least. Compare that again to my Vista, dude!" Mamba was at peak of his biting while careless Bandya listened to it patiently. "And they made a joke of you with those cornering lights. All they do is turn the fog lamps on? Hehe, this is the same way we add 'features' to our software!! That infotainment system only supports Mirrorlink and not Android Auto or Apple Carplay, have you ever seen a phone which supports Mirrorlink?" I couldn't believe one can find so many shortcomings in a car that good!
"Well, no car is perfect. And let me tell you, this is not just a car, this is work of ART! And master pieces do not retail cheap." Leo was un-affected. Looked like he had developed anti-venom for Mamba's bites.
Work of Art!
"You know what, unlike you tightwads, I will allow you guys to try her out. Tell me then!" Bandya parked the car to the left. It was me who first got the chance to experience Polo GT and it was fantastic. "I simply don't care what Mamba thinks. This is a GEM!" I was exhilarated to say the least. I didn't want to let others drive, but I had to, anyways.
"What's the average?" Doc asked while driving her at punishingly slow 60 kmph.
Average with Doc's driving style!
"With these crawling speeds, I guess a hundred kilometers per liter!!" Leo said with a sarcastic smile on his face. "Wow, this is all so smooth. My left hand keeps going to gear knob only to find out there is nothing to do! This is just cool!" Even Doc, the sedate driver was impressed.
It was Mamba's turn now. And we all wanted to hear what he had to say. Ten minutes passed but he didn't say a word. He was checking all the features and all the buttons. "Try the manual mode as well; just move the gear stick to the left when on 'D', then push for Up-shifts and Pull for the Down-shifts. Have fun." Bandya was excited. Mamba tried the manual mode and still not a word.
"I am in Love. Pure love. With all said and done this is by far the best machine I have ever handled. You know what? 10.5L is 'value for money'. This is a no compromise deal. Sticks to the road like a chewing gum in your hair. Acceleration is brutal and the engine note is straight from symphony orchestra. The feature are just so cool. This beauty is real mean. Sorry you guys at the back, get used to it!!" Mamba was finally speaking, and how!!!
We never realized that our destination had arrived. We were in hometown!
It was time to say good bye and conclude this memorable journey.
We also didn’t recognize that our belly R15s were further upgraded to R16s.
-----
If you have made it thus far....
-----
Hey, hey, hey, I just noticed, I didn't say a word about myself!!!
Well, to tell you the truth, I was travelling ALONE to my hometown in my new Polo GT TSI!
Thanks to AT, there was nothing much to do. So yes, this post is a product of daydreaming!!
All the cars are real. Basically all the cars I have owned so far and of course, all the characters are figments of imagination. Just the parts of brain fighting with other.
Does this happen to you?
Hope you liked it!
PS:
Leo here says "Thanks for reading, You Bombastic Barnacles"!
Mamba wants me to send his regards to those who choose not to comment!
And the Doctor standing next to me says,
"No… I don't have any multi-personality disorder (as of yet)!!!!!"
----------------
"And this guy wants to write car ownership reports. Blistering Barnacles!! I mean how on earth do you not even know how many horses your car packs in?" He was furious about the confusion I have with my car's power rating.
We were travelling to our Hometown. The distance was not much, just about 325 km. So, about 7 hours of journey including all the breaks.
"Hey Leo, look, look, that one appears to be a test mule. Which one is that?" Doc asked Leo who was busy reading texts in my Nokia 3310 phone. "What? Where is it? Where is it?" Excited Leo lifted his Kodak KB10 in a hurry. "See that one standing on the side of the road, be ready to click." Doctor pointed to left. "Where the heck is it? I can't see it!" Leo was still clueless after scanning the entire visible area. "That white one. Can't you see?" Doctor replied with a wicked smile on his face. That's when I realized something was fishy. "Oh Leo, its just the other meaning of the 'mule', chillax." I said trying to avert upcoming war. A small little innocent donkeyish creature was smiling at him all the way. "You bunko! I will have my revenge. Knuckling Barnacles!!" Leo sure was angry.
We were just half an hour into the road and I already knew this one was going to be one heck of a journey! Gundya (Doctor), Bandya (Leo), Bokya (Mamba) and I are childhood friends. We are friends from the day we started to cognize this world. We all know almost everything about each other. It always feels nice when you are in such a company.
Gundya, for the starters is an intelligent of the sapiens lot. We call him Doc or Doctor. By the way, he is an engineer by profession. He is calculative. He mostly thinks for himself. Always speaks in reserved manner. The only time he opens up is when he is with us. When it comes to cars, he belongs to the Stone Age. "If you want to buy a car, go to a Maruti showroom and pick the one which suits your budget." It’s that simple for him. He loves to write random stuff. And people seem to like what he writes for unknown reasons.
One hour after we started, we were past the city traffic and were cruising at 80 kmph somewhere on the Mumbai-Bangalore highway.
Our ride was my first car, White Maruti 800! "I love this little engine. It never lets you down." Leo had 'please let me drive her' written all over his face. Sure, I was NOT going to let anyone touch her steering wheel. My 800 was simple, old, second hand Maruti (Yeah, second hand car. I never knew words like "Used", "Pre-Loved", "Pre-Worshipped" being used for a car). But that hardly mattered. It was as reliable as a hundred rupee note. Just having a car was such a big thing.
My beloved Maruti 800. Photo clicked using Kodak KB10 Film Camera
Now, Bandya is a totally different character. He is the only one closer to "artist category" in our group. We call him Leo (Short for Leonardo da Vinci). He is simple, talks much and is careless. He is blunt talking and straight shooting. Doesn't care much about most of the stuff which goes around. Happy go lucky types you know! He also has a taste for music and so for good food. He even plays a few instruments (although a newbie) and cooks some good dishes. We all know, there is a hidden full blown artist inside him. But, we prefer to call him a "pseudo-artist"! He loves cars. He knows a lot about cars (at least in our group). We sometimes call him "Armchair Mechanic"! Everyone comes to him for "which car should I buy" queries.
"This thing doesn't even have an AC and no power steering. Thank god the previous owner fitted a tape. We can at least play cassettes." Mamba said while trying to change the cassette.
And this is Bokya, we call him Mamba. Short for Black Mamba. The aggressive, venomous snake with black mouth! He is someone who just can't help but criticize anything and everything he sees. Don't get me wrong, he is a good person, but it’s just his nature. He also has a peculiar habit of opening absolutely irrelevant topics. "This damn fish in the pond..! The tape is stuck. Oh, God help me."
Mamba is also a true (and forced) follower of Murphy's Law. Something always keeps going wrong with him. He is a person who is always present at a wrong place and at a wrong time. "Hold on. Use your brain some times. This screw driver here is there for a reason." Doc, the intellect, used screw driver to somehow get the stuck tape out and put it well back inside the cassette. Believe me, those damn cassettes gave a hard time to lot of us.
It was not a time for snack. But we were super hungry. We stopped by the roadside Misal specialist to quench the fire. When we were done with 'Misal', a lot of 'Rassa' and about eight extra breads each, it was time for some nice hot tea. Mamba being Mamba, had to mess something up, and so in a moment, some of the boiling hot tea was on the table, some on the bench and some on Doctor's pant. "Is there anything you can do properly??" Doctor's eyes were as big as a potato and his head was as hot as the tea on his pants. "Oh yeah, I help friends buy new pants to replace their ten year old cheap ones." Mamba went for the kill. "Shut the onion up, you two!" I screamed. Thanks to my big and light eyes, people still shut when I shout. A hand written, illegible bill was there on the table. Someone had to pay. Well, this is always an interesting moment and a very common too. Everyone was saying "Wait no, I will pay, I will pay!" But it was Leo, who never said a word, paid the cash and said "let's go!" Leo, being an artist, was most unstable of us all (Financially speaking). (And yeah, that's how the world works!). But, he is always the first one to get the cash out of his pocket. He is a car lover who can't afford one!
We were back cruising in my old 800.
All of a sudden things started changing. Transforming! Yeah, that's the correct word.
The seats transformed into super big ones. It felt like shifting from one BHK to a three BHK flat. The engine note changed. The potholes felt like drawings on the road. No bumps whatsoever. Cabin started feeling a bit cold. And to my surprise, I found myself in the comfortable back seat. The music quality felt better and guess what, the songs were being played from a USB stick!
"Hey, what did that guy put in Misal? What's happening? Are we drugged??" Leo was freaking out. "Well, the plastic quality went from bad to worse. And what are all these rattles? Are we sitting inside a rattle snake? And why do I smell petrol inside the car?" Mamba was relentless with his criticism. Not realizing he was on the driver's seat. "What do you expect? This is your car after all, Mamba." Doc pulled the papers from the huge gloves box and showed Mamba's name on it with wide grin on his face. "The steering feels lighter and direct." Mamba shifted his tone 180 degrees! "It’s also bigger" he added. "Yeah, like a dish antenna!" This time Bandya aka Leo pulled his leg. "People call your Indica Vista 'The white elephant'" He continued.
Mamba's White Elephant
"How could you even buy this car? That too, cab-like White Indica Vista? That too a petrol Tata? That too a basic Terra version? I mean, is this for real??" Never saw Leo being so furious about his argument. "Well, it is the most comfortable hatchback in the country. Plus it is made in India, by Indians. As solid as a rock. Plus it has an Italian engine. Terra version is good value for money" Mamba was making positive vibes out of thin air! "Come on. Are you kidding me? They should only build trucks. Oh, this AC, I have never seen such a weak AC, ever. My ceiling fan would chill this car faster. And yes, you will come to know about real 'Value for Money' when you try to sell it. And that pathetic 2nd gear. Feels like this engine just had a lot of Diarrhea." Well, we knew the real reason why Leo was so pissed off. Bokya (Mamba) did not consult him before buying the car!!
"This manual Window! Open it with one hand and I give you 500 bucks cash. God they are too hard and tight. By the way, what did you get from buying an Indian car? Felt patriotic… eh? And what about the quality? It’s as potty as the software you write. And what's with the Italian engine? 0-100 in 22 seconds?? I think I can run faster than that!! And what mileage do you get? Please put a poster on your dash similar to B.E.S.T. buses…'Our Target 3.5 km per litre!!' " How could Doc let go off this opportunity to hit jibes at Mamba?? But, this time he touched Mamba's profession! Mamba was being bitten by two Cobras. "What do you know of software mate?" Surprisingly, it felt as if Mamba was just about to lay his weapons!
Suddenly, there was uncomfortable silence. An amazing song sung by The Great Bhimsen Joshi started at the same time. His divine voice seemed to have calmed things down. "Well, agreed. I am one of those many people in software industry who are just there. For absolutely no reason. We get salaries for warming the benches!!" Mamba was opening up. "And this car, yeah, it gave me a lot of troubles. Look at this plastic. Did they recycle garbage bags to make these? And who puts all the dials in the center? And this damn digital clock. They cannot even give you a clock which shows correct time. Fantastic!" The Mamba was back, throwing venom like a spitting Cobra. That too on his own car! "But all said and done, I still love my Vista. She was a part of a lot of journeys, a lot of memories." Mamba's tone changed with emotional touch never seen before.
Mamba's Tata Indica Vista Terra Safire 1.2!!
"I respect Tatas for whatever they have done so far. Tata Motors is still young in passenger car market. What they have achieved is fantastic. And being an Indian, I feel proud!" Leo was praising Tata!! Bandya (Leo, The Pseudo-Artist) was making peace with Bokya (Mamba, The Venomous Critique)! "Are you going to kiss each other or what?? There is a lot of room in the back seat of Vista!!" Doc had the last laugh while both Mamba and Leo were ready to kill him! And for the record, this was not the first time I was going through this whole conversation. Anyways, almost all topics are repeated multiple times when you are with childhood friends. But the best thing is you never get bored!
"Hey what do you think about friends? I mean whom would you call your true friend?" This was not the first time Mamba asked absolutely random question, irrelevant to current situation. "I think those, whom you can share your salary details with. Those, who don't expect a thing from you. And those, who do not steal your girlfriend!" Not sure why, but Doc answered. He uses his calculative mind even while making friends!! "I think those who share their deep secrets and those, whom you can depend on for any help" Mamba answered his own question
"Guys, will you ever come out of Bollywood? I tell you the universal definition of a true friend." Leo was spot on with his Bollywood comment.
"True friends are those, in front of whom, you can FART with absolute ease, with absolutely no sense of guilt or embarrassment!! Juuussst like you guys!!" The damned artist dropped a nuclear bomb made of burnt tires in front of us. Doc suffered the most casualties.
"Ohhh, Ohhh God, Help Me!! Help Me!! Forget friends, I wouldn't do this to my hard core enemies. Ohh Gwaad, And this freaking damned Window Awww.. Awww!!" Doc was desperately trying to open Vista's hard, manual window, while Leo was laughing with no remorse whatsoever. "I told you, I will have my revenge! I feel so relieved." Leo said while circulating his hand on the belly. "If you ever face a question on anyone's loyalty, just remember me and try this method. It always works." Bandya was laughing out loud.
By this time it was already dark outside. We drove of off the highway and were on the small rural road. We stopped for a quick Tea and Pee break and were back in the car. Mamba put the key in and and…The car wouldn't start!! Mamba's car, something had to go wrong. "Great, that’s called 'icing on the cake!'". I was irritated. We had to get local help to push start the heavy white elephant. The car went back into motion and it went all dark outside.
And then, the transformation began, again!!!
Weird metallic sounds started coming and the cabin started to shrink. The sheet metal went from tank armor to thin potato wafers. The car went super cold inside. It felt like minus ten in a cold storage. The interior quality went three notches up! The plastics felt great, fit and finish became fantastic and the gaps filled themselves to become uniform everywhere. The rattles were all but gone. The steering size now felt perfect. "The engine noise has increased tenfold and I don't have space to keep my feet and oh, my knees hurt" Mamba was back to his true nature. "The gear lever is vibrating like a Nokia phone. By the way, have your turned on the headlights? Are you able to see anything ahead? Just compare that to my Vista, Yo!" He added.
The Doc was holding the steering with a just one finger and had no problems taking big turns that way. This time it was Doc's car…!
Our speed reduced to yawning 50 kmph. Doc is a sedate driver. "We know, you are trying to show us off that light steering wheel, Doc. But just wait till the ghat section, have fun then. And seriously, 50 kmph on an empty road?? You are driving too fast, Doc. Please slow down!" Leo said with a sarcastic tone. All this while we thought Leo was deep into killing the opponents on his cell phone game. The ride became so bumpy that we could feel each and every pothole. Vista's suspension felt like a glider compared to this. "Look, this display shows me when to upshift." Doc was trying to impress us. "And what about the downshifts...eh?" Leo knew well enough about this car. "Doc, how could you buy Hyundai Eon when all you know about cars is Maruti??" This question was going to come, Mamba was quick to ask. "Well, not all things go as planned. There are too many Altos on the road. So I went for Eon. I liked their quality. Plus Bandya also suggested me to go with the Eon" Doc justified his purchase. "But I suggested you to get a higher version. Not this Dlite+." Bandya aka Leo was quick to respond.
Doc's Hyundai Eon Dlite+
"All I need in a car is chiller AC, light power steering and fantastic mileage. All other things just add to costs." This was the calculative engineer speaking.
Eon's Milestone Pic!
"Forget airbags or other safety features. But omission of left side ORVM? I mean really? And a few other essentials like intermittent wiper and a damn music system. How can they even make such cars?" Leo was immersed into the conversation. "Well, you get what you pay for!" Doc didn't seem to have any problems with these missing features.
"This son of a bat. Why is this guy using high beam? When are we Indians going to learn? I just hate driving at night. And look at this mustard, driving on the wrong side of the road with high beams. Let me teach him a lesson!" Doc went straight very close to the oncoming vehicle and turned at a last moment just missing the dash. All this, still at 50 kmph! The guy in the other vehicle was least bothered, as he was driving a rusty old Tractor!! Doc is a unique sedate driver with hell of a road rage. And as this happened, someone from behind honked and honked even more. "No one honks at me. I will not give him side." Doc was chewing his teeth. Road rage made him look so scary. The Swift guy from behind honked continuously for a minute and at first opportunity, overtook Doc's Eon. Doc made finger gestures at the same time. Finally, when the Swift came at front, a big saffron sticker read 'Ex. Wrestling Champion'. I was terrified and petrified! Doc was shivering!! Thanks to The Almighty (and Doc's poor Eon), that Ex Wrestling Champion did not find us worthy of a wrestling match. "I could understand such a road rage if you drive Fortuner, Scorpio or an XUV. But road rage with Hyundai Eon? That too, with zero wrestling titles under your belt?? That's too much." Mamba could speak for he knew that the wrestler was already gone!
"Guys, why do I feel so uncomfortable? Is it because of Eon's back seat?? Let's take a break and have some tea again." I asked others.
And thus we found ourselves sipping nice, hot, Vanilla flavored tea from a local tea stall. Suddenly, all three started to laugh at me. "What?? What happened??" I asked. "How do you feel now? You were not comfortable in the car?" Doc had that weird smile on his face again. "I still feel uncomfortable. What's happening? Bad Misal, I guess?" I was irritated. "Well, it not just one bad Misal. It’s a lot more of them. Plus a ton of Burgers and Pizzas!" I hate that weird smile. "What? What do you mean??" These guys were irritating me more. "Look at your belly, Dodo! It's not just the cars which Transformed!" Doc pointed at my belly. "Oh that belly tire went from skinny 155/70 R13 to meaty 185/60 R15!!!" Leo's comparisons are a topic for some other day. "You lost some hair and I can see some silver there too!" Loosening the belt gave my thoughts some boost. Although, I was shocked to see the changed me!
Honestly, our transformations were not that great. The bellies were protruding, the cheeks were hanging and the chin disappeared into the neck. The kids at the tea stall called us "Uncle" and not "Brother". All of a sudden, all time enthusiastic boys inside us were looking pale and dull. But then a few questions popped in my mind. It sent down chill to my bones, for I knew the answers! 'Did we learn anything at all from the life as you know it? Do we have any plan for the future? Forget the plans, do we really have any future? Once a commoner always a commoner? The daily boring routine, is that what we live for?' and many more!
"Thank god, none of us have specs!" Mamba was trying to find some positives while I was deep lost in my discouraging thoughts. "Hey, hey, hey, look at my pocket! Big Cash!! I love these transformations! I will sponsor the tea, you babies!!" Bandya was hardly concerned with the mid-life crisis and fat bottoms.
And so, about two third of the distance was covered and we were cruising in Doc's noisy Eon.
An old man asked for a lift along the way, but we decided against to stop at unknown place at that hour of night. In a few minutes, it all went pitch dark and not a soul was present on the remote road. "Oncoming car, after such a long time." Doc whispered.
I also saw a cyclist, actually shadow of a cyclist ahead of us. The shadow was clear due to oncoming car's head lights. He was cycling peacefully probably about thirty meters away, on the left side of the road.
"Hey did you notice a cyclist on the left side a moment ago?" Mamba jumped into his seat. "Yeah, I did, I saw the shadow!" Leo joined in.
"Did you actually see the cyclist when we reached that spot? Not just the shadow?" Mamba had goose bumps! "What the Freaking Barnacles?? No. I didn't see him either. Actually I was looking for him, but he never showed up." Leo had his heart in the mouth. "There are no ghosts. Okay? By the time we covered some thirty meters, the cycle guy might have turned left, off the road." The look on that scientific face was giving away fear and not science. He sure was crapping in his pants. "So even you saw him Doc!! Well, I agree, there are no ghosts. But then, what the bullocks that man was doing in pitch dark? How was he able to see the road? Without any lights? And where did he turn? His house? His farm? I have traveled this road hundreds of time during the daytime. There is nothing other than dense jungle here. Even a dog would think twice before venturing into this dark." Leo was desperately searching for a bottle of water. "Guys, relax! We witnessed all those weird transformations today. This shadow of a man on bicycle is nothing. And by the way, how do you that it was 'he' and not 'she'??" I tried to calm things down. "Hit the pedal and run for life!" Bandya didn't care. He was sweating in that Hyundai cold house. "That's surely something we can do! There is no one on the road any which ways!" Doc, the sedate driver, had already started stressing the three pot engine to its limit. "Yeah, except the ghost bicycle rider, who probably is chasing us down?" Nobody seemed to like my joke.
We stopped for another tea break at the first sight of human habitat.
"Where are you going at this time? Where did you come from?" With only us at his tea stall, an elderly person, in his seventies, tried to start a conversation. But no one was in mood to answer him. "People generally do not travel so late from that patch of the road, that too on Amavasya!" He pointed to the road we had just traveled. "What? Why? Is it a New Moon night tonight?" We all asked in unison. Suddenly everyone was interested talking to him. "People say it’s a bad patch of road. Famous for unusual things." He continued. "What kind of unusual things?" I asked while sipping that super sweet diabetic tea. "You know, people have seen jungle rabbits chasing their cars with crazy speeds. Some have seen hundreds of rats running in all directions on that road and then disappearing suddenly." I don't know if any of that was real or he was making things up. "But, but I don't believe in all these stories, that's why; here I am, selling tea, at this time of night with no problems whatsoever." Suddenly, I felt good. He sure was one brave old bat. "But, but few people have also seen an old man asking for a lift. If you stop your car, he doesn't do anything and just vanishes. If you don't, he chases you down." He seemed like a nice story teller. "Chases cars by running like those crazy rabbits?" Bandya asked impatiently with a touch of sarcasm. "No!! He chases them down on a bicycle! Old, completely rusted, chain less bicycle!!" The one telling ghost stories is always the happiest person in the group, I think.
We were in no mood to stop. This time Doc paid for the tea in tenth of a millisecond and we started from there at once.
"Guys, did you notice the bicycle parked on left side of that tea stall? It surely felt different. All rusted, absolutely no paint on it. And yes, the chain was missing." Leo was shaking. "Hey, you said, you have traveled this road hundreds of time during day light. Have you ever seen this tea stall?" Mamba asked Leo with a weird expression on his face. "No. I don't remember. But I never noticed. So, probably it is always closed during day time." Leo's face turned white. "So ghost chased us, then prepared a nice hot Chai and then told us his own story? Is that what you are saying??" Gundya, the intellect, said while trembling and increasing the speed further.
We would have gone on and on with that crazy ghost story, but the car transformation started again!!
First the clutch paddle vanished. Gear lever changed to an Automatic one. Car's speed increased even further. The interior quality went from better to awesome. Outside noise went from hundred to zero. After few hours of drive in Eon, I felt as if I was wearing Bose's noise cancelling headphones in this new car. The seat height reduced and felt super comfortable. No more jumps on the bumps (Although it did not match Vista's suspension). The steering became meaty with a flat bottom. Many buttons appeared on the steering. The dashboard looked like one from a plane's cockpit. The space on front row increased a lot while the space at the back remained the same. But the biggest change, to everyone's surprise, was the person holding the steering wheel of this seemingly expensive car. It was Bandya! Leo! Yeah, the one with financial problems!
"What? How? I mean how?" Calculative Doc asked with awe.
"Play Old Hindi Songs" Bandya talked to that butch steering wheel after pressing some button. And voila, the car started playing Rafi's amazing songs! "Is that awesome or what?" Leo was too excited. "I am in love with this engine, guys. That sweet sound. It’s poetry in motion." Looked like Bandya didn't care about anything else at that point and joined Rafi with his fantastic 'Main Zindagi Ka Sath...' song. "Which car is this? And how much did you pay for it?" Doc still couldn't believe! "You know what; I will just stop the music and let's hear this sublime turbo petrol engine." Bandya wasn't even listening to us anymore. An empty and straight stretch of road came ahead. "Just see this!!" Bandya pressed the accelerator hard and in a moment we were pushed back and jolted to our seat. "This is 175 Nm of torque hitting your face. Babes! Oh, I love this." Leo was having super fun while we were scared to death. "And you know what? This is just a 'D' mode. The regular Drive mode. Let me put it into 'S' mode." He pressed a button on the gear lever and pulled it back to Sports mode. "This is pure aggression. No mercy!" By now he was completely lost. The engine became louder and I could feel the scary punch. "I have never traveled in such a fast car before." Mamba opened his mouth first time after the gho(a)stly shock. "You betcha!! Feel this 30 to 80 magic. It's simply brilliant." I think Leo was feasting on our fears as much as his car. "And by the way, did any of you notice even a single gearshift? This is not your regular Automatic transmission. This is Dual Clutch Auto Transmission. It is made using Amul Butter!" Please don't ask about Bandya's comparisons, please!
"This is my Red Hot German Babe. Volkswagen Polo GT TSI." Bandya said with tremendous pride on his face.
Leo's Red Hot German!
Yes, the car was awesome. But, I was more worried about the money this guy had put in.
Polo's Cockpit!
"Bandya how much did this car cost?" Like others, I was impatient on this front. "10.5" Bandya murmured. "Ten point freaking five??? Are you freaking insane?" I almost had an attack. "Yeah, I had 11L in my account." Leo answered with no expressions on his face. "So you just blew 10.5L out of 11L you had, that too on a car? Have you heard of something called 'SAVINGS'? Do you know there is a concept of bank loans? Do you happen to know the word 'investments'? Do you know about cheaper pre-owned cars?" Doc was shouting at him. "And is this thing going to run on water? Are you going to eat thin air? I mean are you..." I had no words. This was stupidity.
"Money comes and goes. Let me just enjoy the drive, man!" He didn't care. "10.5 on a hatchback, Hu hu.." Mamba murmured. "It's not just some other hatchback, man. Respect, it's the Polo GT." Bandya quoted VW ad!
This is one thing I always wonder about car owners. Where all that car-brand-pride does come from?
Respect, It's the Polo GT
"AT is a boon. No more stress on my left leg. No problem creeping in traffic and no more backward roll on the slopes, say thanks to hill assist. Total peace of mind." He continued. "I thought real car enthusiast never drives an AT." Mamba poked by a pin. "Do you know the best part with Automatics? You can pick your nose all throughout the journey! My left hand is free." Leo had no reservations about doing or speaking of things considered improper by most other humans.
"Aww, that’s disgusting." Doc had super expressions on his face. "Oh come on, everyone does it." Bandya didn't care
"Well hello, at least not in public!" Doc added. "Stop this topic, people. Bandya, tell me more about your GT." I stopped that uncomfortable conversation.
"This car is loaded with features. Super Engine, Fantastic AT, Beautiful design, Sturdy build quality, Good Safety Features like strong structure, two airbags, ABS with EBD, Electronic Stability Program, It has sporty rear black spoiler, Spotless paint job, Good looking alloys, Top notch and all black interiors, Meaty, flat bottom and fairly accurate steering, it has rake and reach adjustment too, Automatic wipers, cruise control, auto dimming IRVM, electronic ORVMs, One touch power windows, remote controlled windows, cornering lights, hill hold assist, auto creep function, Automatic climate control, Cooled glove box, height adjustable driver's seat, one touch lane change indicators, Touch screen infotainment system and above all the GT badge!" Bandya was not going to stop singing songs about his GT-beauty.
At a point he sounded like a waiter from Udupi hotel listing all the types of idilis and dosas from the menu.
"And the audio quality is just fantastic. Yeah, some may say it is okayish, but let me tell you, I am an audiophile! I have heard the Harman Kardon in Tata Zest. I think Polo's music quality still FEELS better. Thanks to end to end insulated cabin. Just listen to this." Leo maxed volume and started Rahman's new 'The Humma Song'. Heck, that was pure sin! Mind blowing!!
Bandya doesn't stop singing songs about his GT-Beauty
"Hope your pocket stays happy too!! Have you heard of VW after sales service stories?" Mamba started again. "That is the only thing I am not sure about. Keeping my fingers crossed." Leo found some sense after-all. "I tell you, this is the most selfish purchase I have ever seen. This car is only made for the driver's seat. What does your family says about this low seating position and lack of space at the rear? Yes, the design is good, engine-gearbox combo is good too but it is not a proper hot hatch! And I am sure you know that replacing this gearbox costs more than a Nano, just in case something goes wrong. Just Google DSG failure hu hu! I am okay with the safety features too, but you know Fords provide six airbags? By the way, the first and foremost safety feature in any car is fantastic brakes! While GT provides average brakes! What's the use of all that power if you can't control it? And do you think you are going to need ESP anytime? Is that sporty spoiler enough to distinguish this car from a 6L sibling?" We never knew Mamba knows so much about cars.
"I couldn't help but notice that ugly scratch on the bonnet paint near right wiper. You can't open wipers like other NORMAL cars? Can you? The car wash guy gifted you that scratch. German engineering, he he..! The flat bottom steering wheel is nice, but where are the paddle shifters? And they give you Auto wipers, what for? How many times are you going to use them? GT owners need to beg the rain god to test this feature!! Plus, I don't think it is that effective at night. It should wipe the windshield more often when the headlights are on. And talking of headlights, the throw is poor to say the least. Compare that again to my Vista, dude!" Mamba was at peak of his biting while careless Bandya listened to it patiently. "And they made a joke of you with those cornering lights. All they do is turn the fog lamps on? Hehe, this is the same way we add 'features' to our software!! That infotainment system only supports Mirrorlink and not Android Auto or Apple Carplay, have you ever seen a phone which supports Mirrorlink?" I couldn't believe one can find so many shortcomings in a car that good!
"Well, no car is perfect. And let me tell you, this is not just a car, this is work of ART! And master pieces do not retail cheap." Leo was un-affected. Looked like he had developed anti-venom for Mamba's bites.
Work of Art!
"You know what, unlike you tightwads, I will allow you guys to try her out. Tell me then!" Bandya parked the car to the left. It was me who first got the chance to experience Polo GT and it was fantastic. "I simply don't care what Mamba thinks. This is a GEM!" I was exhilarated to say the least. I didn't want to let others drive, but I had to, anyways.
"What's the average?" Doc asked while driving her at punishingly slow 60 kmph.
Average with Doc's driving style!
"With these crawling speeds, I guess a hundred kilometers per liter!!" Leo said with a sarcastic smile on his face. "Wow, this is all so smooth. My left hand keeps going to gear knob only to find out there is nothing to do! This is just cool!" Even Doc, the sedate driver was impressed.
It was Mamba's turn now. And we all wanted to hear what he had to say. Ten minutes passed but he didn't say a word. He was checking all the features and all the buttons. "Try the manual mode as well; just move the gear stick to the left when on 'D', then push for Up-shifts and Pull for the Down-shifts. Have fun." Bandya was excited. Mamba tried the manual mode and still not a word.
"I am in Love. Pure love. With all said and done this is by far the best machine I have ever handled. You know what? 10.5L is 'value for money'. This is a no compromise deal. Sticks to the road like a chewing gum in your hair. Acceleration is brutal and the engine note is straight from symphony orchestra. The feature are just so cool. This beauty is real mean. Sorry you guys at the back, get used to it!!" Mamba was finally speaking, and how!!!
We never realized that our destination had arrived. We were in hometown!
It was time to say good bye and conclude this memorable journey.
We also didn’t recognize that our belly R15s were further upgraded to R16s.
-----
If you have made it thus far....
-----
Hey, hey, hey, I just noticed, I didn't say a word about myself!!!
Well, to tell you the truth, I was travelling ALONE to my hometown in my new Polo GT TSI!
Thanks to AT, there was nothing much to do. So yes, this post is a product of daydreaming!!
All the cars are real. Basically all the cars I have owned so far and of course, all the characters are figments of imagination. Just the parts of brain fighting with other.
Does this happen to you?
Hope you liked it!
PS:
Leo here says "Thanks for reading, You Bombastic Barnacles"!
Mamba wants me to send his regards to those who choose not to comment!
And the Doctor standing next to me says,
"No… I don't have any multi-personality disorder (as of yet)!!!!!"
